Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
