I feel great
I just peed on a car
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
