The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
