the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just puked most of my soul out..
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
