can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
