we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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