dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
