My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
