I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
