Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I could fuck to npr.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
