yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
