The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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