What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
