if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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