Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
