shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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