why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
