just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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