I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
