I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my shit smells like andre
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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