shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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