God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
