Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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