gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
