Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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