i just had sex bonerless
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
