dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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