Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Come on in and take your pants off
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