So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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