You smell like a Billy Joel song
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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