He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have aggressive nipples.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
