He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
