is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
