Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
