dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
