I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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