Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
