I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's blow job season.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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