It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
