We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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