i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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