you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
