got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
