At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
