did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
