Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
