His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
