so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
