Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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