question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
