how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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