She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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