that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
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