I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
