I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
