she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
