This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
