Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
