I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
