smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
