All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
